Yaoi Fanfic!
by CreamCheeseAlchemist
Summary: Jelly Jiggler and fun with yaoi cliches.
1. ANGST!

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All songs mentioned don't belong to me, either.

Have fun spotting the yaoi clichés here.

ANGST!

Jelly Jiggler quietly left the group. It was a lovely night, but Jelly had to get away to this lonely mountaintop to wallow in angst. He turned on his mp3 player and put on his "Unrequited Feelings" play list. The first song was "All I Ask of You" from Phantom of the Opera. Jelly closed his eyes, imagining himself as Christine to Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's Raoul. Then he shuddered, because he knew who his Phantom was- out to ruin the happiness Jelly'd known ever since Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo bought him in the market, making him feel wanted for the first time.

No matter how Tsar Baldy Bald IV appealed for a reconciliation, Jelly hadn't been fulfilled when they were together. The man was neither kind nor monogamous nor discrete about his other lovers (like that skank Denga). Jelly had found himself growing bitter and reckless as a result. He even came close to boiling himself a couple of times out of frenetic despair or something.

"How Do You Do it?" came up next, just as Softon tapped Jelly on the shoulder. Softon had the concerned expression often associated with yaoi suitors who have buried their Feelings so deep that they don't have any basis in canon. Jelly took off his headphones and ended up in a pointless chat with Softon. Softon hoped to gain enough nerve to take Jelly into his arms, tell him he loved him like Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo never would, and that jelly is best served alongside ice cream for dessert. Not that I have ever seen that myself. But to no avail. Softon ended up in search of his own place to brood, listening to "Since I don't have you" on his headphones. You see, it is not proper Yaoi conduct for two unfulfilled bishonen to angst in the same place unless the story concerns them settling for each other. Jelly and Softon are not bishonen, but the rule still applies.

Jelly sighed, because he knew Tsar Baldy Bald wasn't the real problem. Either that, or he was just being stupid and to be proven wrong. Foreshadowing, foreshadowing, blah blah blah. Anyway, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo didn't seem to treat him any different than Beauty or Softon or King Nosehair or Denga (the white chibi thing in the theme song)… Heck, he'd even fooled around as Gasser's bride-to-be. Jelly's eyes narrowed because he knew what Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo had been up to that night. Some unrequited love song from Camelot rung in his ears.

Don Patch. Jelly clenched his fists. As a general of the Chrome Dome Empire, he had been amused by Patch's reunion with his old flame Uey. But it meant Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo tried to make his move, to get Don Patch's attention. And then it hit Jelly. Even if Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo loved Don Patch, the sun-thing had become romantically guarded since his ill-fated reunion with Uey. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo didn't deserve the frustration! What he so obviously needed was the weepy, ex-villain type to coddle him. And that was Jelly to a tee. He wasn't a prima donna like Don Patch! He was a mess of clinginess and guilt that would make a submissive partner like no one else in the fandom! Jelly raised his arm triumphantly and switched to "I'm on my way to tell him I love him" play list with his free hand.

Then he turned around and quickly realized angsting in the dark all alone with headphones on was probably a bad idea.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV and a large army were standing there.

Jelly narrowed his eyes, taking in their size and recognizing a couple people who still owed him money. But this isn't going to be dealt with because this is an angst-fest.

"You wouldn't want us to go in search of your friends instead, would you?" Tsar Baldy Bald IV grinned.

Jelly paled. Baldy Bald's grin widened as he motioned his soldiers to grab Jelly. "Bring him over to me."

Jelly was thrown down at the Tsar's feet. Baldy reached out for Jelly's face, pulling him up close face-first and gazing into his eyes. "Even after all you've done, I am here to give another chance. I've missed you and it's high time I take a Tsarina and settle down."

Jelly looked back, amazed, "Really? You'd take me back even after all I've done?"

"Really." The surrounding troops oohed and aahed like fangirls, all of them being fans of this particular ship.

Jelly burst out laughing, "You smug bastard! You think I'd take back some two-timing bald prick like you, much less be your little empress?"

Silence.

Then a slap.

Jelly crumpled to the ground, but immediately looked back up with defiance.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV moved his head to the side. Rough hands pulled Jelly up and kept their firm grip on him.

The tsar studied Jelly for a long moment, "It appears someone has stolen my intended's affections. Perhaps some time in Tofu's camp will set him right."

Jelly was carried off, screaming in terror.

TBC


	2. TORTURE!

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! Enjoy part two. I expect at least 2 more chapters after this one. It does look like these will show up after new episodes. Anything that doesn't match with unpublished manga or unaired episodes on CN is the result may be revised. Feed my c2 list!

TORTURE!

Softon woke up, drooling melting ice cream against his lips. Even though the night before had been spent angsting over his unrequited feelings for Jelly Jiggler, he was free of such frustration and despair in his dreams.

Just the two of them, alone. The sweet taste of topaz gelatin on his lips. Jelly's thin lips trembling from the cool ice cream from Softon, but his eyes shining with love. Jelly's lips curled up in a naughty grin, as he caressed Softon's head. He then used the same hand, now dripping in ice cream, to take a piece of gelatin off his own body. Softon watched in amazement as his dream lover ate the mix of their flesh. "You have to taste this. We're a perfect flavor combination!" Softon chuckled, "Was there any doubt?"

But such things were the stuff of dreams. First off, the manga's color illustrations show Softon's head to be either chocolate ice cream or crap. And crap is neither sensual nor edible. Anime Softon is probably cherry ice cream, with such implications of virginity and Toei Animation being cautious. Anyway… Jelly had never offered him a taste and Softon hadn't the nerve to ask, but of course Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch had both savored his gelatin. Softon stood up, his eyes firmly fixed to the sky. One of these guys was his rival for Jelly's affections and it was time to find out which one. No more of this tortured existence!

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General Tofu may have relished torturing others, but this new assignment was torture for him. In the past, he'd sublimated his secret desire, love or what have you, for Tsar Baldy Bald IV by torturing his prisoners every way you could imagine. But this new prisoner was different. The tsar wanted Jelly's resistance beaten out of him so he'd submit to being tsarina. Tofu gritted his teeth as he continued whipping Jelly. This was the last job he ever wanted- preparing someone else for his beloved to marry, but he relished his role in securing the tsar's happiness by melting Jelly into obedience. That would have to be enough for him, living vicariously through the tsar's happiness with the knowledge he caused it. No, he was not the least bit pathetic.

Jelly turned towards General Tofu, wincing up at him. "Would you stop screaming? I'm the one being tortured and bleeding here." Tofu and Jelly stared at each other a long moment before Tofu burst into tears and ran off.

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As he rode his motorcycle, Softon was deep in thought of how he could talk in private with Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch (preferably separately) without anyone else overhearing. Especially Jelly. Softon did not know if he could ever face Jelly if he knew and didn't feel the same way, He'd rather Jelly be a friend oblivious to his affections, than feel pity towards him for not feeling the same way.

Beauty and Gasser came running toward Softon's motorcycle. "Have you seen Jelly? He didn't come back last night," Gasser huffed. Softon froze.

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was throwing Don Patch over one end of a volleyball net, where monkeys frantically tried to catch him.

"This is all my fault," Softon looked down sadly. Beauty and Gasser looked at each other. "I shouldn't have left him alone last night." "We'll find him. We just need as many people as we can get to help look for him," Beauty said, softly resting a hand on Softon's shoulder.

Softon looked back at Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch, his eyes narrowing. "Someone has to look for him now!" And with that, he rode off at top speed. Beauty didn't have enough time to lift her hand off fast enough and fell on the ground in shock.

"I've never seen Softon like that," Gasser murmured as he helped his girlfriend up.

"Me neither. He's really worried about Jelly. We have to get the others to start looking too."

"What are you two slackers doing, standing around? We've got to find Jelly!" Don Patch glowered.

Beauty looked at Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo with confusion, seeing him with the same determined expression. "We need to go right now, Beauty."

Beauty sighed. She'd spent her early years with normal people and still couldn't shake off her expectations of normalcy.

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Tofu sniffed as he entered the tsar's war room.

"I take it my tsarina is ready? Show him in."

Tofu looked around, nervously, taking in all the guards. "His resistance is not diminishing as I thought it would…"

"Or perhaps you are determined to sabotage this marriage out of your pent-up feelings for me," the tsar said, casually yet with an underlining malice.

Tofu shook his head violently; "My feelings for you have made me approach this order with even more vigor than usual."

"I see…. Have you used all possible methods, general?"

"All which wouldn't scar your intended," Tofu replied. "I think emotional scarring might break his resistance, however, if your Eminence will allow it."

"Absolutely not. I took Jelly back just before any of those rebels could infringe on his honor. As loyal a servant as you are, Jelly has serviced only me and that shall not change."

"I assure you, I would not take pleasure in raping him," Tofu countered, "only in breaking him into your will."

The tsar sighed, "I am quite aware of that. However, I forbid it."

"I am at a loss, my lord. His resistance remains despite all my efforts, all my torture. He holds on to some hope of rescue. Dare I say it, he may even have entered into some kind of one-sided infatuation with one of these rebels."

Tsar Baldy Bald IV smiled evilly, "We simply have to neutralize his resistance, whatever its source."

TBC


	3. Biding Time!

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All songs mentioned don't belong to me, either.

Have fun spotting the yaoi clichés here.

Biding Time: Initial Internal Thoughts of the Rescue Party and the Yaoi Subject Puts Up A Fight!

Thoughts of Jelly Jiggler's plight caused Don Patch to reevaluate their relationship as he strolled to the rescue with the others. This type of story requires stewing in angst, lots of torture, recovery and discovered Feelings, so a speedy rescue was out of the question.

Were they just friends? Rivals certainly. He was one of Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's childhood friends whereas Don Patch had first met him a short time after Beauty. Still, Don had been with the team longer and was the first one to fuse with Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. Didn't that mean something?

Then again, could the ability to fuse together imply a romantic relationship? Don was able to fuse with both Jelly and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo… Did he love them both? Also, there was the fusion with Dengakuman. Did Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo have reciprocated affections with all of them? Or were all or all but one of these fusions based in Deep Friendship that yaoi writers build on? Don reasoned he had the most likely Returned Feelings, being part of two of Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo 's fusions- more than any of the others.

But maybe he and Jelly had enough in common to start a relationship, beginning with their Feelings for Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and… and… and… Hey, that's one pick-up line for you! We like the same person, why not hook up with each other? That Cardcaptor Sakura show was really something, wasn't it?

Don sat down for a tea break with the others.

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Gasser couldn't understand why they stopped when one of their friends was in danger.

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Beauty was even more confused, because she was more observant of others' Feelings even from her strange friends. But Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was staring her down. Beauty quickly took the teacup and began drinking.

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Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was worried about Jelly as he leisurely sat and sipped tea in his top-notch tea ceremony form. His arms were crossed, leaving his nosehair to hold onto his teacup as he thought. But other things crossed his mind. The Guy He Loved. Was it Jelly? If not, could Jelly's peril be enough to inspire Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo to love him and forsake Don Patch? So many questions that the author was still debating herself but to all outside viewers, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo knew whom he loved. And if it wasn't Jelly, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was still worried because they were friends and went way back. He resolved either to get Jelly back and tell him he loved him too, has always loved him since they were kids with big, innocent dreams of the future… or use this situation to tell Don he loved him because Jelly's kidnapping was a reminder of this dangerous life of a rebel. Waiting another day might mean that Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo is confessing this epic love to a dying beloved, his corpse, his tombstone or takoyaki that's shriveled to the color of Don Patch. But Jelly was in danger, that was for sure. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo stood up, determined. He had to save Jelly.

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Don Patch's eyes wavered. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo looked so forceful. Did that mean he loved Jelly in a way Don could only dream of?

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Gasser was relieved Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was going to resume the search. I mean, what shonen hero takes his time in rescuing a friend?

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Beauty's eyes sparkled. This was the moment her inner yaoi fangirl had anticipated. Either Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo was going to profess his undying love to the fiery diva Don Patch or valiantly rush forward to rescue his beloved Jelly.

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Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo refilled everyone's teacups.

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Several times. Don Patch began to help. No rush here.

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Tsar Baldy Bald IV watched sorrowfully as General Tofu beat his intended an inch from death. But it was the only way the magic would work, Jelly's resistance would break and he would have his queen or at least the yaoi equivalent. Bad guys tend to think of these things in medieval, arranged marriage ways, anyway.

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Jelly fought back as hard as he could while dark memories, some real and some fake, began to cloud his mind.

"You scare customers, you stink and you're a psychopath."

"10 yen? That's a good deal," Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo mused.

"But look at him. He's way past the expiration date. No wonder he's so cheap," Don Patch said dismissively.

The grocery store seemed to grow bigger and darker as Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don walked away with a gelatin container.

"It never happened that way!" Jelly grinned defiantly as his eyes popped back open.

"It's not working. He's fighting it off, " Baldy Bald frowned at Tofu.

"Not for long," Tofu grinned evilly. The syringe in his hand glinted along with his eyes.

Jelly struggled some more but Tofu grabbed a hold of his arm, jabbing the needle in. Jelly's eyes continued to fight, but soon his eyes fluttered shut and his battered topaz form went limp.

"He won't be able to resist in his sleep," Tofu assured the alarmed tsar.

"Excellent. Soon, my bride-to-be, you will let me win back your heart," Baldy Bald said softly as he caressed Jelly's serene face.

General Tofu turned away, bitterly.

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Somewhat closer than the others, but still somewhere not close to Jelly, Softon rode on in search of him.

TBC


	4. Let’s add more characters

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All songs mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum!

"Let's add more characters and wallow in more angst and hopefully some plot development will happen. If not, try the next chapter."

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Serviceman looked over the peaceful ocean, a setting in direct contrast with his epic inner torment within.

No one loved him.

Why? Was it because he walked around under a sheet and attacked people with his private parts?

Serviceman mulled it over. Could that be the reason no one loved him?

You don't really expect him to figure that out, do you?

Oh yeah, and deep down he loved Gasser. How that hurt, hurt so bad! Not only did Gasser have a girlfriend, but he hated Serviceman. Why?

He's not going to figure it out, and should this drawn-out story ever get a sequel he'll show up again and angst about it for you all over again.

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Captain Battleship was Torn.

Was he secretly in love with his school rival, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, their rivalry a bold attempt by one or both of them to cover up Feelings?

Was he unable to move on from his lost Flower Man? Their friendship had been so pure, ever since that summer they met. Jobs for expelled marital artists were hard to come by, but that summer they shared on Brokeback Mountain herding sheep… It had healed Battleship's heart until the day Flower Man was murdered.

But then, there was also Don Patch. He'd proposed, partially to make Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo jealous and also because the guy was feisty in a way Battleship couldn't believe. Tentacles never felt so good and they had kids. So did that make Don Patch his common law spouse? Certainly he was either the mother or father of their children. It'd all happened so fast that Battleship missed that particular little detail. The pairing for slashers with family values!

Of course, there was also Ryu from Shaman King. Their paths had crossed in Jump Superstars and they had the same hair and…. Well, Battleship was angsting on that so that all possibilities would be presented.

Did I miss any?

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-

When Softon first met Jelly Jiggler in the supermarket, he lingered inside the store a moment longer. Immediately smitten, he got in line after Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and bought breath mints. Sugar-free ones no less. At some point, he could work up the nerve to offer Jelly one and things would go from there. The two of them enjoying a sugar-free mint together, one that wouldn't increase their sugar intake and potentially cause diabetes in their later years.

But seeing Jelly outside, his topaz features framed by soft fake pink hair… Softon quickly lost his nerve. The color complemented Jelly so perfectly, whether as a wig or a dress. Softon couldn't take his eyes on him, but no one seemed to notice for some reason.

Well, no one but that torpedo girl, Gyorai. And you can go to the Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo Yaoi forum here and get the link so you can see this moment. She was furious about how completely he ignored her as those bakas danced around, his eyes only fixated on Jelly. She absolutely hated those freaks, but none more so than her oblivious rival.

I really shouldn't do this, writing a character I haven't seen outside OPs and EDs, but the story is going there. Softon ran into Gyorai. She called out to Softon, batting her eyelashes. Softon looked worried. "Is everything all right," she asked in hopes that she could get rid of his concern and they could get busy!

"Have you seen Jelly?" Softon asked. Gyorai gritted her teeth, "No, I haven't seen your little boyfriend."

"He's not…" Softon growled.

"So why are you wasting your time with him?" Gyorai hissed.

"This isn't the time. Jelly went off a couple nights ago and we haven't seen him since."

Gyorai looked thoughtful, "All I've heard lately about the Chrome Dome Empire was that they're setting up for the tsar's wedding."

Softon looked sick, "No. It couldn't be…."

Gyorai got on the back of his motorcycle, "We'll look into this before we start worrying."

Softon smiled nervously as her as he revved up the engine, "Thanks." I suppose he was sorry he couldn't return her Feelings but she's a female character in a yaoi fic and will just have to deal.

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Don Patch's thoughts about his True Feelings continued, as the group stopped at an amusement park.

Was teasing Jelly, beginning with handing him panties and the subsequent fight, evidence of his secret Feelings for his rival?

Or was it Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo for him, now and forever?

Or was that dodgy tentacle octopus affair with Captain Battleship, with tickling, a marriage proposal and them having kids of any consequence?

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But this story is still about Jelly Jiggler, in case you've forgotten. There were times I almost did.

His eyes fluttered open, and he caught sight of Tsar Baldy Bald IV at the foot of his bed.

Silence.

Jelly and the tsar looked at each other for a long moment, before Jelly spoke up.

"You're going to send me back to the grocery store, aren't you?" Jelly asked sadly.

"Is that the last thing you remember- losing to Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo?" Baldy Bald asked in a guarded tone.

Jelly nodded and looked away.

"That was the biggest mistake of my life," Baldy Bald murmured. "Those rebels wasted no time in revising your memories and turned you against me."

Jelly looked at him in shock, "I-I don't know what to say."

The tsar stood up and walked to the front of the bed. He gently took Jelly's hands into his own, "There is no need to apologize. I made their job turning you far too easy. I was not faithful as I should have been, and I left them plenty opportunity to take you away. But I would have never in a million years sent you back to the grocery store."

Jelly's eyes teared up, "I'm still a general, then? Even after I lost?"

Baldy Bald chuckled, "Actually, I was hoping you'd take a different post for the Empire now that you've returned to us… to me..." He then kneeled next to Jelly's bed, never letting go of those soft gelatin hands. "Jellyroll, what I'm trying to get at is… will you serve the Chrome Dome Empire as its queen?"

Jelly stared in shock, his eyes wet.

TBC

The plot did advance! Wooo!


	5. Let's prolong,

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Kyo Kara Maoh is this anime that's a mixture of Fushigi Yugi and He-Man, where slapping someone is a marriage proposal. Feed my c2 list and forum!

"This week's episode had so many things for slashers to grab a hold of, I took notes and hopefully I'll move the plot forward but I won't promise anything."

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Softon put back on Beauty's clothes that day in Poo-Poo City, hoping Jelly Jiggler would've found him more attractive. Unfortunately only Gasser saw him. Yeah.

But nothing beat having Jelly at his side in battle. He was so brave, letting the enemy eat him. It accomplished nothing but Softon realized his attraction wasn't just for Jelly's smooth topaz form but for his warrior-ness, regardless of how useless it could be. Who knew love took the form of a run-on sentence.

Thoughts of Jelly gave Softon sparkly eyes and made him fly, but Jelly lagged behind. Did that mean he didn't feel the same way? And what about Jelly and Don Patch flying up together?

"Are you ok?" Gyorai asked.

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He had wound up in another chapter.

Serviceman had taken his brooding indoors, sitting on a couch eating ice cream and watching TV. Because of what was most likely part of a scene cut from the Japanese version, Gasser had quickly punched Serviceman.

Serviceman rubbed his cheek, even though it had been months ago and didn't hurt anymore. It hurt in his heart or some such pathetic romantic fallacy. But before Serviceman could admit to it, Kyo Kara Maoh came on.

Did that mean Gasser had proposed since the UStv version of the scene didn't show a reason for his attack? Tsk, tsk. Cut scenes fuel speculative fiction of the worst kind.

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Don Patch liked playing off of Jelly, from grieving widow to fellow ninja, because he did have the right booming voice. But did that mean it was love? Don did have Moments with Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Captain Battleship as well, and perhaps others. I mean, could his desire to be the female lead stem from secret Feelings for Gasser? But Gasser was taken, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo seemed oblivious and Don Patch wasn't keen on being stuck with all those kids he's had with Captain Battleship. And no, just because he asked for a picture of Serviceman's goods was not sign of Feelings or Attraction. Or was it? Ah, the uncertainties of a slash-built world. Lalalala!

Anyway, the rescue party had stopped yet again, this time watching videos of themselves on you tube. In the first ending theme, Shiawase, Hatenkou passed by Captain Battleship and looked over at him for a second. Don Patch crossed Captain Battleship off his pairing list. It wasn't classy to muscle in on the guy your godson was eyeing even if you had already had octopus children together. So, yeah, the stop did contribute to the plot in a way. Jelly can't be rescued until everyone's feelings for him and each other are sorted out. You know, just like real life.

Oh, and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo looked over at Don Patch. That means he likes him, ok?

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"Jelly, you don't have to give me your consent right away. You have been through a lot. Tofu, watch him," Tsar Baldy Bald IV said.

So Tofu and Jelly stared at each other. For a long, long time.

Jelly's eyes were full of uncertainty. And I probably should have used the thesaurus but it's getting late, so deal.

"You like the tsar, don't you?" Jelly said quietly.

General Tofu's eyes widened. How could he have known? He'd just looked at his ruler with adoring eyes, stole glances at his behind as he left, and glared at Jelly for nearly an hour now.

Jelly smiled, "You've been by his side all this time… how can I even think of considering…"

Tofu's eyes watered and he grabbed Jelly's hands, "The most important thing is his happiness. If he thinks it's winning over you and you complying, that's good enough for me."

Jelly and Tofu burst into tears. Tofu's tears were a mix of newfound happiness and further despair. His beloved tsar had his intended in a malleable state, and what a good choice it looked to be. Jelly was willing to give him a chance with the tsar if it meant his highness' happiness. Now, Tofu felt he was in love with them both. He couldn't imagine a better couple, but was he getting ahead of himself?

TBC

The plot did advance! Kinda. Next week's installment will be after the weekend 'cuz I'm hitting the Olympics. As soon as I dig up the next ep on TiVo, you will get another installment. I just can't believe I've written more installments than reviews. Is it the title?


	6. take a shot at this taking 50 chapters,

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum!

"Far from the last chapter, but I must take the next 2 weeks off."

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Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo got lost in thought as the rescue party made another pointless detour. The truth was, he'd fallen for Don Patch the day they met. From wilting flower to sugar-crazed equal to total diva, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo loved every variation and took particular pleasure in couple role-playing with Don Patch. But did he understand? Sometimes Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo did wonder, like the time in manga volume 9 (yeah, the unnumbered one released in the US) where Jelly Jiggler took on the role of a guy proposing to Don Patch. Perhaps jealousy was a factor in this lame rescue attempt that was confusing the sane kids and really getting to Softon who was glaring as he handed out ice cream cones and change.

"I really think we shouldn't stop again," Beauty said quietly- ever the voice of reason and empathy.

"But today's Tuesday," Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo whined.

"That's right!" Don Patch added.

"Guys, we can't just take our time. The Empire's rough enough on Rebels they capture... can you imagine what they must do to former generals that defected?" Gasser shouted.

"You would know, wouldn't you? The pain, the torture, the nights shivering in the rain just to whine about it weeks later…" a voice in the corner hissed.

Gasser sighed, "I recognize your voice, so stop with this act… Loincloth Lloyd."

"Look at you. Going around following some girl instead of getting help while I got so bitter that I joined our enemies," Lloyd hissed, not sounding the least bit like a pathetic twit.

"I did get help! I just found a girl in the process! And some friend you turned out to be!" Gasser shot back.

"So is she such a better friend? She sure doesn't look like someone you can practice your battle skills with! No muscle definition whatsoever!"

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch sat, entranced and picking their noses with their now-empty cones.

Gasser looked over at Beauty. "Is that what you think? Beauty's different. I mean, she's here to protect and have fun with and…"

Loincloth Lloyd narrowed his eyes, "And I'm not? Why? It's not fair!"

Beauty walked over and whispered something in Gasser's ear. Gasser grinned, "There's something else we do." And with that, Gasser took Beauty in his arms and kissed her in an epic movie-kind of way.

Don Patch looked at Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and wondered if there was a correlation between Beauty first meeting Gasser in the same episode where he'd met Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo looked at Don Patch Meaningfully.

Lloyd's eyes were popping out as Gasser continued kissing Beauty and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo went off on a romantic weekend with Don Patch so I didn't have to go on and on. "Dude, I just wanted to be Friends. Not that. I like girls."

"Too late," Serviceman announced as he popped out of the bin of lemon ice cream. "We're a perfect match! You like Gasser, I like Gasser. We can go on dates and talk about our hopeless Feelings for him, followed by nights of pleasure where we both hopelessly try to pretend the other is Gasser and break down." Serviceman dragged the protesting Battleship 5 quartet of 6 member out of the ice cream shop by his loincloth.

That left Softon, Gasser and Beauty alone in the ice cream shop.

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Meanwhile, Jelly Jiggler had finally agreed to marry Tsar Baldy Bald IV because he didn't remember anything past his defeat. I had spent an afternoon trying to explain to him why Baldy's removal of his memories was not an act of love or protection but domination, a total unwillingness to let Jelly make an informed decision in marrying into the Imperial family.

So, anyway, I headed out of the royal residence that resembled a tiny flat in Tokyo. General Tofu was debating suicide or murder as he continued with the wedding invitations, an assignment given long before Jelly agreed to the wedding. It's my impression the catering was all ordered before they even captured Jelly! Anyway, Tofu was not sure whether to kill himself over Baldy Bald or Jelly, or which one he should kill. Should he kill Baldy for taking Jelly away or so one could take him from Tofu? Or should he kill Jelly for one of those reasons? He did figure that if he picked someone to kill so they wouldn't marry the other, that he should kill himself afterwards. Or was it before? Moron. At that point, I headed out to update Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others.

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Even though Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo is set in the future, and one with much in common with modern Japan, I found them staring at cat mummies in Turin's Egyptian museum the day I was there. So I let them in on the story so far while Hatenkou sat and braided Captain Battleship's hair into pigtails for no reason. I guess that makes them a couple?

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Jelly Jiggler was just about to say his part of the vows, when the Rebels crashed the wedding.

Softon was taken by the sight of Jelly in his white Western-style banana-skin wedding dress, even though he thought pink was the best color for his soft topaz skin.

"The Jellyroll I know wouldn't be put up to this, even if he didn't remember," Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo said.

Jelly turned to face him, anger flashing in his eyes. "Haven't you had enough? I'm lucky Baldy still wanted me after my defeat, after you… you…"

"Don't you remember anything? How you wanted to help people, become a plumber when you grew up… Not become some royal consort languishing in a musty palace and put on display. You're our Nakama. We won't give you up without a fight!" Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo replied.

Jelly looked down, his shoulders trembling. "You… you did buy me from the store…" Um, yeah. Jelly's memory had returned! Yay! It's the magic of the Shonen Word That Sounds Best Untranslated.

But Tsar Baldy Bald was not to be outdone. He pulled a tabloid out and handed it to Jelly.

"BoBoBoPatch: Just a combined battle form or something more?" Jelly read, his voice shaky.

"See what good friends they are, pairing off when I know you like one of them and going off by themselves for a romantic weekend while you were missing?"

Jelly turned away from the Rebels and grinned smugly at Baldy. "You don't get it! I'm happy my friends have paired up, even if I did like Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo. I'm not going to mope about it, not when there are others that care about me that way." He looked right at Softon. Somehow he'd always known in a way.

At that moment, General Tofu felt the beginning of Feelings for the other man who loved Jelly as he did. That brought him to 3 unrequited yaoi targets.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV was furious, watching his intended run towards another. He motioned his guards and they grabbed Softon just as Jelly took his hand.

Jelly looked around frantically, but the others had turned into takoyaki in order to increase the drama.

Baldy smiled evilly, "The choice is yours. If you don't marry me, I will have him killed."

Tears welled up in Jelly's eyes as he turned from Softon and walked back towards Baldy Bald.

"Jelly, don't!" Softon screamed. Jelly looked back and gave him a strained attempt at a reassuring smile. Softon looked down and saw the Nu handkerchief in his palm. Then, he felt a sharp blow on the back of his head and all went black.

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Softon woke up hours later, finding himself surround by Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others. And he was not happy. "He's gone because of you," he hissed.

"Who's gone?" Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo asked.

Beauty and Gasser wasted no time and tiptoed out.

"Our friend Jelly Jiggler," Softon shrieked.

"But aren't you the reason he gave himself up? If you had been stronger, he wouldn't have had to marry Baldy Bald," Don Patch countered in a sly tone.

Silence.

Softon's eyes began to twitch, his shoulders began to shake… Was he finally going to let them have it?

Of course not.

Softon ran out absolutely bawling, bumping right past Beauty and Gasser.

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Jelly stood outside the apartment, lost in a monologue angsting over whether or not his mother-in-law would approve of him. Which does not make a whole lot of sense, her not having been at the wedding in the first place but the domestic drama coming up seemed to work better if they met _after_ the wedding. Plus, the first episode implies that Baldy Bald's imperial life is something he does in his spare time- much like the Digimon Emperor. The truth is, Baldy's mom wanted nothing more for her son than for him to be a salaryman, corporate Japan's shining beacon of white-collar drudgery.

TBC…

Sorry this one took so long, but things are getting real busy. I'm starting to shoot a stop-motion anime OP-style this week, so this story will be on hold until the 22nd. But I've gotten a hold of the first 3 episodes (TiVo is on a different input than my vcr, so I can't normally keep shows) and the notes taken so far were a great help. I know have a better sense of how this story will eventually end. Still missing a smoking gun on Softon- psychically communicating with Beauty isn't enough evidence of Feelings in my book, but I'm planning a crossover cameo that'll delve into "why is character x in the midst of slash angst when he's got it bad for girl y in canon?" I'll give you one hint. It's another character done by the guy who voices Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo in Japan. Is it Hotohori? Billy from Melrose Place? Renee/Aramis' fiancé? Could it be Pandora/Arkana from YGO? Someone else? Hehehe. Wait and see. Seriously, the guy who does Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's voice in Japan does a crazy amount of stuff.


	7. but i sure hope not

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum!

""

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After 11 straight days of shooting the first batch of tests and scenes for my stop-motion anime, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and friends stalled yet again… um, were nice enough to help me clear my shooting space. Everything fit nicely inside Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's afro. I must say I was grateful for the help, but I'm starting to think they're stalling on purpose.

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Pickles and the junior boss of Don Patch's gang met at a pachinko parlor and fell in love.

Do you really care? Um yeah.

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Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo looked meaningfully at Don Patch.

Can we please just rescue your friend? At this rate, he'll end up dead or widowed before we get to rescue him.

"I think the author's right! I'm going to just rescue Jelly, married or not!" Softon decided. And he did so.

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo looked thoughtful before he grabbed Don Patch's hands. Hatenko looked thrilled, being so obsessed with Don Patch but not in That Way. Oh yes, last week's episode was enough to give me confidence to use him more here. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Captain Battleship's (still in pigtails- cuteness!) smoldering gaze. He felt the same way, but he was afraid. Gyorai had really broken his heart, some 7 years back, and he was afraid to take that leap again. Would Captain Battleship break his heart again? Hatenko wasn't sure, but he'd probably complicated things last night with their Vegas wedding. Yes, the –ko suffix commonly found in Japanese girl names was enough to convince the Elvis officiant to perform the ceremony. But was Hatenko ready to risk giving his heart away again? Dude, that's something you decide _before_ the wedding.

"You're picking on me," Hatenko hissed.

I really don't want to get in a fight with the characters, so let's just keep the story going.

"No. We're going to settle this right now."

No, we're going to a new scene. Deal.

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Softon walked through the dark room, looking for Gyorai. In most slash fics, it would be her evil betrayal that led to Jelly's kidnapping.

But not here.

She'd moved on in between one of the chapters since I wrote her last. She went on a bunch of blind dates and double dates, and one panned out. Denga and Tony Tony Chopper (now that's the ultimate Kawaii couple, ne?) introduced her to Meowth from Pokemon. So now she was living with the feline Pokemon and Supportive of Softon's rescue effort.

She just wasn't going to do much, but she's not some disapproving, spurned type that reveals the author's misogyny.

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"Before you meet my mom, I need to tell you exactly what to say," Tsar Baldy Bald IV told his bride as they took the stairs up.

Jelly nodded.

"She thinks my Empire is a waste of time, so I've been pretending I'm a salaryman. So I can't very well introduce you as one of my generals. You have to say you were an Office Lady at my company."

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So what are the others up to?

"Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe," Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo decided, Don Patch's hands in his own.

This isn't Rent.

Hatenko's eyes widened with shock, "It's not? Then why am I dressed like this?"

Don't ask me. I'm not your character designer.

To make a long story a tad bit shorter, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others put on a touring production of Rent.

"Why am I playing Mimi?" Gasser yelled. Chill, at least Beauty's playing your love interest. Poor girl's given up questioning the madness, but she's disturbed.

Unfortunately, the Tokyo stage was full of musical productions with anime casts that season. The Shaman King cast did the Producers, Yu-Gi-Oh Phantom of the Opera, Fullmetal Alchemist a musical version of Invader Zim, Hamtaro Sweeney Todd, and those Digimon kids work-shopped a musical version of Brokeback Mountain. And I may publish cast lists later if you're curious.

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But this chapter ends here, as Jelly is about to meet his mother-in-law. He felt queasy, and yet it couldn't just be nervousness. It was such a nice morning, even if he'd been raped by his husband the night before- so why'd he feel like throwing up?

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"Why ist I in this story?" Faust VIII asked. "Mpreg isn't mein thing und this ist the wrong fandom for me."

Um, because you already have the same VA as Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo in Japan. So deal!

As for me, I'm going to make my dinner and watch South Park now.

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Next chapter over the weekend! Yatta!


	8. there's hope yet, but no promises

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum!

"This time I didn't forget to write a title for this chapter. Trust me on this."

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Jelly and his mother-in-law sat in doctor Faust VIII's office. Jelly looked down, "Thank you for coming with me. I know I've been a terrible wife to your son." Yes, I saw last week's episode. Twice. I'll get to it, just keep reading.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV's mom just burst out laughing, "Hardly. I don't know how my worthless son got so lucky. You should've seen his first wife."

Jelly looked up in shock.

"You didn't know?"

Of course not. He wasn't in that episode.

Baldy's mom looked at me and glared, "Do you mind?"

Ok, sorry. I'm only the writer.

"Baldy was married before. Didn't last long, thankfully. All she did was suck his blood and shed her scales all over the house. Terrible cook, couldn't keep house… nothing like you, Jelly dear," Baldy's mom as she pat Jelly's trembling hands.

"But I don't feel like a proper wife," Jelly murmured.

"I admit I had my doubts when I first saw you. There was no way you could be an Office Lady. You had no hips to speak of, much less good birthing ones. I figured you had to be one of my idiot son's soldiers."

Jelly's eyes went wide, "Then why didn't you say anything?"

His mom-in-law smiled warmly, "Well, anything was better than that bloodsucker you used to be married to. So I watched you, and you amazed me. I never imagined being a general would serve a future housewife so well. You've exceeded all hopes I had for my son, so don't lose heart. Love comes in time, when you've lived together long enough and he's the father of your children. Give it two more days."

Jelly burst into tears as the two hugged, "'Kaasan!"

Now, you may wonder why he doesn't use the term for mother-in-law, or why I'm throwing in the occasional Japanese word in here when it's within the realm of possibility that the characters don't speak Japanese. I mean, look at all the anime set in France: Anime San Jushi, Rose of Versailles, Gankutsou, etc. In any case, I am trying to emphasize the bond that's formed before these two, and the use of Japanese words is a way to stress it while also reflect the show's Japanese roots.

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Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo turned to Don Patch as they watched last week's episode in bed. Don Patch was blushing while clinging onto Raincoat Man.

"Should I be jealous?" Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo asked sharply.

Don Patch bit his lip. Would Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo go for a threesome? Polygamy? At that point, I walked into the room and smacked him for thinking such nasty things. I don't write slash to go Carte Blanc on pretty pictures and hotties. If ever write a Gravitation fic, it'll probably be about Shuichi and Yuki joining the PTA.

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As Faust VIII looked over the blood samples, lots of thoughts crossed his mind. Why was he in a Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo fic? Is there anything really amusing in him and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo having the same VA in Japan, unless you're a total dork? Shouldn't a real OBGyn be used for this scene? Why was the Junior Boss of Don Patch's gang wearing his clothes? Why did people write slash fics and Doujinshi about him when he's overly obsessed/in love with his dead wife? Um, yeah. Fanta: it's not just the drink Coke made to keep the German market and avoid bad publicity during WWII.

"Is there a point to this scene?" Jelly asked.

"You ist pregnant," Faust VIII said.

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Some weeks later, Softon and Jelly ran into each other at a Monoprix. Don't ask me why they were at a French discount department store, because I have no good reason for this. Sorry.

Softon cornered him, "Are you alone?" Jelly nodded, but didn't turn to face him.

"Then we can escape, just you and me," Softon beamed as he grabbed Jelly's arm and pulled him close.

Jelly looked at Softon sadly, "He won't let me go that easily. I-I-I'm pregnant."

Softon's eyes flashed with hurt, but he wouldn't let go of Jelly. "I don't care. I just want you back. We all want you back."

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch were picking their noses, "Come back Jelly."

"We, uh, miss you," Hatenko said flatly as he read the writing on his hand.

"I think you wanted Captain Battleship to say this next line," Ryu from Shaman King added. Oh geez, I wrote the wrong character from a different show. Deal with it.

Beauty's eyes bugged out, "Can't you just rewrite that paragraph?"

No.

Jelly's eyes welled with tears, "I really want to come back, but he'll hunt me even more now that I'm carrying his heir." As if he wasn't already sending goons after Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others in the first place.

So everyone left Jelly, except Softon, Gasser and Beauty.

"I won't let you go!" Softon yelled as he let go of Jelly and walked out as well.

Gasser and Beauty just stared in shock. Jelly just shrugged and left. I don't know how long Beauty and Gasser stayed, but I wouldn't be surprised if they got kicked out by now.

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Meanwhile, Tsar Baldy Bald IV had come up with a plan to destroy the Rebels once and for all. While his mom had gone on a retreat that lasted the rest of the story and Jelly went to Monoprix for an ANGST scene, Baldy put on one of his Western cartoons and decided to rip off its plot. Rock and Rule has good music and a cute heroine, but it's cheesy. Baldy smiled evilly, "Yes, Jellyroll. You will help me destroy your friends." "Did you say something, dear?" Jelly asked as he entered their flat.

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"I hope you're not writing much more of this," Suzu told me as I got out of the shower.

I sat next to her on the bed, "Well, this is the climax. I can't imagine writing more than 2, 3 chapters now."

Suzu nodded. She looked adorable, with her blonde hair all mussed up. "It's not that I don't like it, but it's moving awful slow and you keep going on tangents…"

I smiled mischievously as her, "You're just trying to sneak into the story."

Suzu turned a flattering shade of red.

TBC this weekend. Spring break's this week and I'm not leaving town, so I will have this ready for you then.


	9. since I didn't use everything I planned2

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime (like Loveless) mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum! Happy B-day shout out to Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo!

"Even though there's no new episode this week, I'm still putting out a new chapter. And please tell me why they call themselves Cartoon Network when they show live-action movies now?"

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"How come you haven't used me in the last two chapters?" General Tofu whined.

I could say it was because today's Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's birthday… But the truth is that I did forget about him.

"What! I'm your own character!"

Um, yeah, but I was focused on the original characters I have in my stop-motion anime. And I had Hatenko to use here, as well as Tsar Baldy Bald IV's mom once I picked back up with the story. Plus I watched all of the Toei Yugi-Oh show. And I started rereading Harry Potter, trying my best to stay on the mugglecast schedule but my quick reading got in the way. And I made some more videos for edit practice that you can see on youtube. Yep, there's a Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo one that's set to "Phantom of the Opera". And now I'm home alone, since my spring break is different, so I'm going to walk over and see V on the Imax and get some stuff at Joann's after school on Monday Yeah, I've got to get more stuff before my last sewing class….

"I wasn't asking for your life story!" General Tofu yelled.

What sort of character interrupts their own writer? Dude, I may just not use in this chapter.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Look, I'll pay you!"

All right.

"I'm going to be in this chapter?" General Tofu murmured.

Yep. Now pay up.

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Jelly made Tsar Baldy Bald IV's favorite dinner.

"What's the occasion?" Baldy asked as Jelly brought out desert.

Jelly looked down, nervously. Just how do you tell a husband you don't love you're pregnant after serving him a great dinner out of social obligation? "I have good news," he whispered.

Baldy smiled, "As do I."

Jelly looked up, shocked. Was Baldy pregnant too? Um, no. That's retarded, even for a mpreg fic.

"You first!" "I'll go first! Jelly… I have discovered how to destroy your friends."

Jelly grabbed the dirty dishes and stood up quickly, his back to Baldy. "Why are you telling me this?" he asked in a guarded, yet shaky, voice as he began washing the dishes.

"Because you will be a major part of it."

Jelly's eyes widened. He finished cleaning the last dish, careful not to break any.

He then darted back to the dinner table, "You want my help in destroying the friends I married you to save?"

Baldy Bald nodded calmly.

"Are you stupid? There's no way. Look, I've done my best to be a proper bride but this is out of the question!" Jelly hissed.

Baldy got up, "If that's how it is going to be… I'll see you in bed."

Jelly just looked bewildered.

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The next morning, Jelly awoke to the sound of Baldy slamming the door on his way out. Jelly covered his mouth. Had he completely ruined his marriage the night before? It all seemed easy before, burying himself in marital duty for the sake of his friends, but now that these things conflicted….

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Chazz watched the waves and it hit him. He really didn't like Alexis. He liked her brother whose name I never caught. And he must like him back, since he was helping Chazz win Alexis in a duel. But he was dead wrong. Alexis' brother was now 18 and lying on the beach making out with Crowler.

All this was happening inside Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo's Afro, since Yugi is no stranger there.

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Jelly spent the morning Angsting, but he really should have just left.

Baldy came back that afternoon, an evil look on his face. "General, you know what to do," he beamed as he brushed past Jelly, knocking him to the floor.

Jelly looked up frantically at General Tofu's resolute, sad expression.

"I'm sorry, but I have my orders." He then grabbed Jelly by the throat, using both arms.

Jelly screamed at the top of his lungs as his free will was brutally ripped from him.

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Only Softon heard his screams, even though he was with Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others. Such is the cliché, er, power of True Love. He now knew it was time for a Successful Rescue.

Softon shut his eyes, thinking of when he first met Jelly. But you'll have to read the next chapter for that bit of Loveless-ness. "Hold on, Jelly," Softon whispered for dramatic effect.

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General Tofu shot Tsar Baldy Bald IV a hateful look. His love for the man was gone, as a result of this latest order.

Jelly looked ahead, his eyes devoid of the warmth Tofu had fallen in love with. Tofu shivered, ashamed he had helped with this. But no more. Little did Baldy know that his general was text-messaging the Rebels!

TBC…. Monsters! Cat Ears! Childbirth! More than one ending to choose from: Tragedy! Angst! Happily Ever After!


	10. i'm guessing 3 more chapters tops! yatta

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime (like Loveless) mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum!

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It's a school night, so why am I starting this chapter now?

"That's a good question," the Kimiko and Skeletor toys on my desk told me.

And now my toys are being written into this, on top of the pointless crossovers I keep using.

I mean, it's not like I couldn't do something else while my DVD for class is being rendered….

At this rate, I'm going to end up rambling about other fic ideas I have in mind or about my original manga/stop-motion anime…

And there it is… My DVD's ready. So is this all I'm writing this Monday night? We shall see…

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And it's Sunday night that I'm writing the rest of the story, so it should be clear how I was too busy finishing my final assignment for sewing class. And did anyone else in my class show up with a finished outfit? Of course not.

Slackers.

Now onto the story.

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Captain Battleship was deep in thought. He loved Hatenko so much, but these dates were getting on his nerves.

It was almost like Hatenko paid more attention to Don Patch.

Why weren't Hatenko's pale, graceful fingers applying suntan lotion on _his_ back? Never mind that it was snowing, he was all covered up and neither Hatenko nor Don Patch was in this scene. It wasn't the damn point, and Captain Battleship spent the rest of this chapter shouting as I moved onto other scenes in the desperate hope I'd come across something a tad less pathetic.

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"Fat chance," Gasser muttered.

Thanks for the encouragement. Just for that…

Gasser's eyes widened as he turned around at the sound of the Ronin's footsteps. Who's that? It's the guy who competed against Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch in the game show in the last episode.

A ronin is a historical term for a masterless samurai warrior, but a more recent definition has sprung up for high school graduates in Japan who haven't passed their college entrance exams yet. It was my impression that the character was meant to be a ronin of this sort.

Gasser bit his lip as the Ronin's footsteps grew louder, since he was getting closer. His figure became bigger as he drew nearer, giving me a sense that showing off knowledge of perspective is really a stupid and pointless thing to do in writing.

"I got in! I'm going to Tokyo University just like I promised!" the Ronin beamed.

"So?" Gasser snapped back. "I won't be taking exams there anyway."

"But I didn't hurt your feelings in this episode!" the Ronin wailed.

"We didn't talk in the episode! So please, go away and bug someone else!" Gasser yelled. "We're supposed to rescue Jelly anyway, in case _certain_ people have forgotten," he hissed.

I haven't forgotten. Softon's on his way.

"And us?"

Silly boy, don't you know romantic fiction doesn't have the damsel-in-distress being rescued by someone besides their twue wub makes things overly complex. I mean, how'd you feel if Beauty was rescued by one of the freaks?

Gasser's eyes widened in horror, "Y-you wouldn't?"

Just messing with ya, kid. But yeah, Softon gets priority here.

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As Softon approached the dark, gloomy, dismal coordinates he's gotten from General Tofu… part of him wondered if it was a trap. But he wasn't going to waste any more time.

But he did have a flashback on the way over.

Jelly had been a sixth grader then, not even 13. So young and innocent, still with his car ears and tail. It's a reference to Loveless.

Softon had been waiting outside, since it's not the least bit creepy. Did I mention he was 8 years older? In the hot sun, he looked almost like a bishonen with melting ice cream pouring down his face.

Softon grabbed Jelly's arm. Jelly looked up at him, nervously taking note of his lack of cat-ears. This was an adult!

"Where are you rushing off to, Jellyroll?" Softon grinned.

"How do you know my name?" Jelly growled as he wrenched his arm free.

"I knew your brother," Softon grinned.

Jelly looked at him in amazement, "Really? I don't remember him talking about you or having you come by… Actually, I don't think I have a brother. What's your name?"

"Softon."

"Did you come to see me, Softon?"

"Hai!"

"Why? How about we go into the park and take pictures together? It's not like you're some strange guy from off the street!" Jelly beamed.

Softon brushed off a tear and went into another flashback, this one 6 years after he'd become Jelly's Loveless Fighter Unit. Don't ask me to explain, because the manga makes no sense. Far as I can tell, it's like Zatch Bell with cat-boys instead of mamodo plus canon yaoi overtones.

"I know you like those Bruce Lee movies, so I got you this," Jelly murmured.

Softon chuckled, "It's your birthday, you shouldn't be giving _me_ presents."

Jelly smiled shyly and whispered, "Being with you's better than any present."

Softon opened up his present: a leather jacket with an ice cream cone on the back and sleeves that were the same colors as this outfit Bruce Lee wore in "Game of Death".

That night, Jelly lost his cat-ears. I'm not sure why they split up at some point, but obviously they must have. But Softon had never stopped loving his Jelly.

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General Tofu was the first one Softon came across.

Softon eyed him warily.

"You don't have to worry about fighting me. I'd actually like to help you both," Tofu assured him.

"Why?" Softon snapped.

"Baldy Bald isn't the man I thought he was. I-I once loved him, but then I met Jelly and you... and the things he's done to Jelly," Tofu sniffed.

Softon grabbed Tofu, "What did he do to Jelly?"

"Sit down, and I'll explain everything." After Softon let him go, General Tofu pulled out a blackboard.

Softon sat behind a school desk, suddenly surrounded by more of the good guys.

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Tsar Baldy Bald IV brushed his hand against Jelly's expressionless face, "The time is drawing near. Soon you will summon the monster that will destroy all your friends. And once they're gone, perhaps you will be able to do my bidding without me taking away your memory or freewill or threatening them. Provided this monster doesn't accidentally destroy you at the same time."

Jelly gave an involuntary shudder as his mouth opened up, against his will. Baldy just grinned as he stepped back, safely away from the dark pit and still ignorant of Jelly's pregnancy.

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Softon ran faster than the others, General Tofu closest behind him. Such is the law of Winner and Runner-Up suitors in romantic fan fiction. It's never as powerful as friendship here.

Drawing closer, Softon and Tofu heard Jelly begin to sing.

"We're too late," Tofu panted.

Softon shot him a dirty look, "NEVER!" And with that, he ran even faster, leaving Tofu and the others behind.

TBC….

Not bound to have more than 3 chapters, given how the rescue is finally imminent.


	11. still going that way, believe it or not

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum!

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I should be getting to the rescue scene, but I just got off a long flight. Probably should just get to bed, but here I am typing away.

So if you saw this past episode, this part should be somewhat relevant.

Early photographic technology was easily manipulated. A number of opportunistic photography studios in both the US and Europe offered "spirit photographs". Double exposure was one method. Leaving residue of a previous picture on the plates was another way to accomplish it. And of course, there was sneaking some sort of dummy behind the sitter for a couple minutes. It took so long for early photographs to register that anything that did not stay in the frame the whole time would appear ghostly.

I don't know how Hatenko got in one, so don't ask.

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"You can envision a little coffee pot device in your kitchen where you add cells at night and in the morning you have sausage," Assistant Professor James Gilchriest said with a smile. (Dillon, Nancy. "Sci-Fi steak may be next growth industry." NY Daily News 16 April 2006)

Beauty just stared in stunned silence, "Our fanfic author is quoting the _newspaper_."

Gasser shuddered, "And using MLA citation…"

Well, most of it. I cut the article out this morning, so I couldn't get the page number and stuff.

"Can I just get to the rescue now?" Softon hissed.

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Ok, so our heroes have finally reached Jelly and Tsar Baldy Bald IV. But they're Too Late. Under Baldy's mind control power which only exists in this story because it'd make things way too complicated in canon, Jelly has just used his singing to summon some deadly beast thing that's going to destroy his friends….

Man, do I love the Japanese OP for Beyblade. And for this sentence, the characters yell at me.

Then comes the chorus of pleading. "Fight it. Jelly. You're strong enough. You're our friend. Blah blah blah."

Baldy Bald just laughs as Jelly's blank eyes face the beast thing's enraged ones.

"Jelly, I know you've strong enough to fight it off. You're the most amazing person I've met," General Tofu said in a fawning tone. And to make his point, he just chopped off his own head.

It accomplished nothing.

Tofu's head flew in the air. For the next five minutes, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and company played lacrosse with it.

And then, Softon caught it and got to hear General Tofu's dying words. Why he was still alive after cutting off his own head is something I can't explain, so please remember the duck/underwear hybrid and the logic of that. So Tofu said he loved Softon too, then died. Softon just shrugged and threw Tofu's head in the small trash bin under my desk.

Meanwhile, Jelly began singing the theme song to Pretty Cure to get the deadly beast-thing to attack his friends. Ah, writing with music playing… LOL

But Softon had one last weapon.

More of their Secret History!

TBC…. Because I'm going to bed!


	12. looks like this is the second last one

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum unless you're a homowhiner. It's not correct usage to use homo_phobe_ most of the time, because they aren't usually afraid. Hence phobia is a poor choice of suffix, more often than not. Hence homowhiner.

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So far, none of the stories Softon had revealed made sense or fit in what canon is attempted in the actual show.

"And then, we fell into the Digital World where you ended up with ruby slippers and had to summon Suzaku. I fought by your side, even when all hope seemed lost. But our love kept us alive until Aslan came back alive with back up. Ok, so it was just the Saint Siena rip-off anime version of the Ninja Turtles but it was enough to beat the rabies-carrying Hamtaro cast. And then the Justice League came, because they got preempted this week too." Yes, there's a Ninja Turtles anime out there. It's one of the strangest things I've seen outside of Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Cromartie High School.

Jelly was humoring him. Was it his love deep down fighting off Tsar Baldy Bald IV's control or was I just being lazy and biding time?

Oh come on. Villains always get time to gloat to buy themselves time to lose. I'm just flipping the cliché.

"Jellyroll dear, would you please just destroy them already? This is obviously nonsense!" Baldy said softly.

Softon grinned over at Jelly, "Are you going to take orders like that? When you control the monster thing yourself? Remember when we watched Akira? You're in control, not him!"

Jelly winced, clearly showing his struggle to remember and fighting off the mind control. And then he turned towards Baldy, his arm shaking in his husband's direction.

"No…" Baldy shrieked as the monster thing devoured him. He would not die, but spend an agonizing eternity in 4Kids anime dubs.

Jelly's legs gave out as his eyes returned to normal. But Softon raced over there and caught him just in time.

Jelly looked at him with fear in his eyes, "The monster thing…" His voice trailed off.

Softon looked at Jelly even more worried, "I'm not just going to let you face that monster again… It's taken a lot out of you and I can't lose you again."

Jelly looked down, "I'm the only one who can send it back." His now-blazing eyes met Softon's horrified ones, "I have to."

"Yes, now get to it!" Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others shouted.

"What is wrong with you people?" Softon shouted. "We were having a Moment. I'm sure no one important would be killed off at this point."

True enough, Softon, but it really doesn't make sense that the monster's pausing like the story. So say buh-bye.

In a shaky tone, Jelly began singing the theme song to Grander Musashi, this anime about a boy trying to become the world's best fisherman. I'm sure it's terribly boring but its OP is pretty cool.

Anyway, it wasn't working and Jelly was getting weaker.

And every character in the scene said a variation on that, in true shonen anime fashion. "No one can stop it!" ended this chorus of repetition.

And then it hit Softon. He skipped over to his house, dug through his old issues of Animedia and finally found the issue that came with anime sheet music for this song. So, yeah, he eventually joined in and their combined Magic Love Power Voices sent the monster thing back.

Jelly then lost consciousness.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Softon screamed as the camera tracked out from him cradling Jelly's pale, prone form.

"Moron. We're not about to let our remaining ruler just die, especially when they're carrying our tsar's child," a Hair Hunter who wandered in Just In Time stated.

Softon shot nervous glances at Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and a teary-eyed Don Patch. 

"It's the best chance Jelly and the baby have," Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo said stoically.

"He'll be getting the best care," The Hair Hunter assured Softon.

Softon stood up, holding Jelly in his arms, "Lead the way."

"And that's it," Beauty murmured.

Gasser looked at her, confused, "Nani?"

She means the war is over. Baldy Bald is gone. Jelly, if he lives, will be in charge of the Empire.

"That's not encouraging!" Beauty and Gasser shrieked.

I suppose he's too stupid to be great leader material, but better a friend in the position…

Anyway, let's go to the hospital.

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Because of the trauma Jelly had gone through the entire fic, he ended up giving birth early. As Softon held his hand through the delivery that I won't even bother attempting to describe, he felt Jelly's entire body struggling to hold on.

"Y-you can't leave me, I love you," Softon whispered as the baby was taken to be cleaned up.

Jelly winced before looking up at Softon with sad eyes, "I love you too. Take care of the ba…" And with that, Jelly Jiggler died.

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Softon tried his best to raise Jelly's child, but he was never the same after losing Jelly. His body gave out some years later and the child tried to reanimate his corpse with disastrous results to both.

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and Don Patch had a quiet wedding, too sad to have a big one but even more inclined to cling together in light of the tragedy.

Hatenko was still bored. But that was what turned Captain Battleship on. Then everybody died in their prime and it was tragic that corpses and Fritos surrounded Pickle as pink snow fell.

"Wait- the story's ending like this?" Beauty sniffed.

Ummm….

"What was the point?" Gasser asked.

Actually…

"There is a happy ending option in the next chapter," Suzu beamed as she tied up her bathrobe.

Yep!

TBConcluded


	13. more delays and some educational stuff!

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum unless you're a homowhiner.

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You may wonder why I didn't get to the next chapter until now.

Well, I've got only one week of classes left and I ended up spending last weekend on a final project and Tuesday night preparing one of my animation tests for the year-end screening because the teacher was so impressed. You can see it on youtube under "Dolly Jam."

The rest of the week was spent clearing out a family apartment in Florida we just sold. And I'm exhausted because I ended up having to wake up at 4 this morning to catch the flight back. I'll try to get chapter 14 up tomorrow once I've seen the new eppy.

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So, Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo and the others (except Softon) waited in the hall because this chapter is the lead-in to the Happy Ending Chapter.

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Softon sat on Jelly's bedside, clutching his limp hand.

The royal nursemaid sat in the corner, a salaryman in ganguro (think suntan-like) make-up. "You know, if he does survive… there is no way you'll have a future together. He and the baby are the only members of the Imperial Family left."

Softon didn't even look at the nursemaid, his eyes fixed on Jelly's flushed topaz skin. "That's not important right now. I'm not about to leave him alone."

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Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo Theater proudly presents the Death of William the Conqueror. Over 20 years had followed since his victory at the Battle of Hastings and the king had grown quite fat because that was quite easy for the wealthy throughout most of history.

In any case, William's waistline late in life was described by the King of France as being similar to that of a pregnant woman. Some sources even claim that's why he led an army into the French border and set about burning a town there. But the fire caused William's horse to buckle, and he ended up gouged on the front piece of the saddle.

It took a fortnight or so before William died from his injuries, and his supporters quickly left to secure their own interests. The body was stripped by the servants and left on the floor for a couple hours.

When a funeral was finally held, one hot day, the body wouldn't fit into its tomb. And one of the efforts caused his stomach to burst, producing an odor that quickly emptied out the church.

TBConcluded, hopefully in the next chapter. And definitely a new chapter by Wednesday.


	14. but here it is end of the story!

Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo belongs to Yoshio Sawai, Weekly and Viz's Shonen Jump and Toei Animation. Don't know the US company involved with the anime, but I'm using their dub names. Any non-dub names used are of characters not yet introduced. I have no ownership of this, but I sure want merchandise. Sell it to me please! And more manga, please! Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo rocks! All anime mentioned don't belong to me, either. Feed my c2 list and forum unless you're a homowhiner.

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I'm sorry I haven't kept to my original schedule but it's the end of school rush. Tonight's my film screening and that's it. I wrote the first two sentences this past Monday and now it's Thursday and I will not get to bed until I finish this story, or at least this chapter.

So, anyway, Sasuke's dark eyelashes fluttered as he felt insects crawl all over his ivory skin. It's amazing just how disgusting pairings with Shino are but I'm not big on Sasuke anyway.

Ok, this is the wrong fandom, let me try again.

It was only when a decrepit Yugi crawled out of a cave several hundred years later, talking to himself, that Gandalf the Taupe began to suspect that the Millennium items were forged in the heart of Mount Doom.

Nope, not it.

Laura regretted the trip to Transylvania as she looked upon all her precious little Ham-Hams, with their odd bits of human clothes and blood-stained teeth. Her regret would not last long as the hamsters, their blood matted with fur, leapt at her. There were simply too many for her to fight off.

They were no longer cute. Laura liked cute things, like her doodles of the albino guy in the Da Vinci Code that emphasized his pink eyes, long bishie hair and gave him bunny-ears. Death wasn't cute, because the blood wasn't pink.

Ok, here we go because this is getting really bad.

Gasser immediately regretted leaving Beauty in the waiting room when he got to the vending machines that were

"Even though he likes athletic girls like Ginny and Cho, that's no reason he shouldn't like a sickly little inbred Goth snob boy like…"

The girls turned to face Gasser, wide grins on all their faces.

"We saw last week's episode!"

"Evidence!"

"You just kept comforting Jelly!"

Gasser glared at them, "I have a girlfriend."

"Beard."

"You realized your True Feelings when you saw him dressed like her."

"I know you're girls and all, but… FIST OF THE BACK WIND!"

"Aha! He gets his gas power from eating Jelly!"

Horrified, Gasser ran.

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Softon and Jelly just stared at each other while the ganguro salaryman nursemaid rocked the baby.

The baby had Jelly's eyes and topaz color-hair. I'm still thinking of a name for him. Softon looked down. Why did it hurt when he looked at Jelly and the baby? Why did it hurt even worse when he wasn't looking at them? Was it indigestion or the motif of lovepain I keep running across in CLAMP's manga?

"I better go. You need to get your rest. You've got an Empire to run and the last thing you need is me dragging you down," Softon murmured.

Jelly looked horrified, even as he took in the nursemaid's approving gaze.

So Suzu and I came into the room.

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Rice looked around nervously as he entered the waiting room.

Would they accept him after learning his SECRET?

Would they care?

Does he even need to tell them?

"The truth is... due to the fluid nature of R's and L's in words imported into Japanese, it was assumed that I attacked with rice. But that's not true. My name is Lice."

Beauty looked ill.

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"Jelly, I have my doubts you and Softon had a history," Suzu began.

"But he was one of my Celestial warriors!" Softon shouted.

"And my persocom who worked at a bakery and bought me porno magazines," Jelly added.

"No, those are just bits of nonsense the author's been pulling up out of nowhere. Think back to the early chapters. There's absolutely nothing that leads the reader to believe you two were ever involved. It's just written as a pathetic one-sided thing while Jelly's fawning over Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo."

Jelly took the baby from the nursemaid, his eyes wide. Softon looked angsty, "I'm going now. I can't ask you to give up all this or leave your baby or…"

Jelly, you're the head of the Margarita Empire now. You can really just do whatever you want. You can bring in your friends' input, end Hair Hunting, and you most certainly can date whomever you like.

And Jelly wasted no time in that. He and Softon finally got married and had even more kids. With Softon by his side, Jelly knew he'd never cry again. He threw his Nu handkerchief at the wedding, and Tristan from Yu-Gi-Oh caught it. You can see him with the famous hankie at the end of Millennium World graphic novel #3. Ice cream and gelatin did go together, or perhaps gelatin was not so different from poo- since it was a source… ok, this is stupid, I'm going to the others.

Beauty fended off the yaoi fangirls and lived happily ever with Gasser.

Tsar Baldy Bald IV, General Tofu and William the Conqueror stayed dead.

Don Patch and Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo cured cancer while they rode horses on the ranch hotel they opened in Times Square.

Serviceman's sheet proved invaluable in keeping Loincloth Lloyd from running away. He spent the rest of his life under there.

Pickle and the Junior Boss had little tomato children or something. I don't know the details but it was super-odd and sweet.

Captain Battleship had doubt about dressing like Don Patch in bed, but it really turned Hatenko on…

Gyorai dumped Meowth for Lion-O from Thundercats.

Denga and Chopper are still together, the ultimate Kawaii couple of puppy and reindeer.

Raincoat Man and Rice. Shower and rice at the wedding.

Chazz came to realize that being an expert duelist is nowhere as influential as what his brothers do. He now owns an alpaca farm in Canada. Atticus' make-up session with Crowler was a vital part of his dating service. Crowler is now living in London with one Severus Snape and Atticus is out to figure out more pairings by making out with others. Just not his sister. Guy's gotta have standards.

The Ronin didn't pass his college entrance exams until he was 30. He wouldn't have lasted that long, but he couldn't just jump in front of the subway when the bill for clean-up now goes to the suicide's family.

A president decided one day to fight in his own war, surprising everyone as he proved quite useful in the clueless and determined way most shonen manga heroes are.

Suzu and I noticed that the local Sav-On had finally closed one morning, as we were walking my dog.

THE END

Finally… omg, I just read the whole thing over and I really must be nuts. LOL. Look for a musical cast list in my forum in the coming weeks! And more stories, of course. Gasser/Beauty, anyone?


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